Enrich your life skills & career

Dr. Jitendra Nagpal

Life skills are abilities for adaptive and positive behaviour that enable our youngsters to deal effectively with the demands and challenges of everyday life. These are a set of human skills acquired via teaching or direct experience that are used to handle problems and questions commonly encountered in daily human life.  Dr. Jitendra Nagpal is a Life Skills Coach. He is a developmental trainer in youth wellbeing and soft skills for the schools, colleges and corporate sector. In this regular column, he will answer the questions of our readers

Question :  I am 21 year old girl studying in Delhi University. I had a change of college last year due to family reasons. Since then I am unable to adjust in my new college. I often feel out of place, I have very low or rather zero self-confidence and just cannot face people. I often feel that I am being dominated by others or mocked by them. I also feel that I am unable to answer back to their comments or be clear socially in what I want? I do not have good friends, I miss my old college very much. Please help me, how do I work on my self-confidence and the way I value myself?

Answer :Self-confidence is indeed very much desirable to maintain good mental health and physical health. Leaving your old environment can be tough to adjust at this age where you prefer to spend your maximum time with friends. Firstly you need to let go off your past, you need to tell yourself that no matter what happens from now on you can shape anything & create a new, confident you. Try to indulge in all the positive things you have done. Try finding some positive people in your new class & spend more time with them. You can also involve your family who support you and make you feel good. You could also try to confide your problem to a close friend as he/she may be able to help you in communicating with others. Connect with supportive people and recuperate their interest in you.

In order to regain your self confidence you can begin with, making a clear cut assessment of your strengths and weaknesses. It is very important to nurture your strengths and make them a part of your personality as this will also help you in building your confidence. You also need to learn assertiveness in order to avoid unnecessary domination. This can be done by ascertaining your boundaries and then communicating. Don’t hesitate to tell your friends when they trample your feelings or cross your boundaries. I am sure they will respect you for your honesty. Work out exactly what you want to accomplish and set goals. This will bring structure and you'll have clarity and purpose about what your life is about. Include work, family, social and personal aspects and each time you achieve a goal, give yourself a little reward. The feeling of accomplishment will increase your confidence significantly. Sometimes a change in appearance helps. Drop self-deprecation. If you repeatedly put yourself down, it will knock confidence right out of you. Avoid indulging in self-criticism. I am sure you will feel better.  Good luck!!!

Question: My age is 21 and I am a male. I am suffering from shy bladder or Paruresis from past 6 years, but now I want to get rid of it completely as I want to join armed forces. Please help.

Answer : Paruresis is a result of increased anxiety in mind. And to get rid of this condition it is very important to trust yourself that you can do it and by practising ways to calm down whenever you experience the situation. This can be done by medication for which you have to consult a psychiatrist or by using relaxation technique as it brings down the anxiety level. Identify the place and how you experience the condition. Start Practising breath holding initially at home by, holding for a count of ten and slowly increasing to 45 as you achieve a hold of 45seconds you are ready.. In case you clasp in between, release the remaining breath, the stream will start again.

You can gulp a little more in case you get short of breathe. Once you are done, reinforce yourself by praising.  As for joining the armed forces this condition should not be any obstacle in line as this is a phobia and not a disability. (e-mail: jnagpal10@gmail.com)